Can you name each of the remaining nations?
You win a fucking cookie if so.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Earth Plays Some Cosmic Asteroids
Earth played a sweet game of chicken later Tuesday and early Wednesday with this little pixelated fellow.Yes, that's right this potentially global killer sized beasty slipped past barely farther than the Moon away. 'Course no one knew it wouldn't pulverise our ass 'til a little less than two weeks ago.
Rumours and scuttlebutt indiciate some sort of craft may have been used to nudge the asteroid slightly.
At least, for now, we get to keep our fucking quarter and avoid some all-caps GAME OVER joy.
Monday, January 28, 2008
We're All Just Fucking Sheep
Somehow we all have to motivate ourselves after a weekend without any NFL glory to bask in (-11.5 to -14 depending where you look. Veeeeerrryy tempting).
There was plenty of real football to roll around in like a very happy pig in shit all weekend long though. With FA Cup Forth Round ties, a excellent EPL game, and the ongoing 'no guts, no glory' of the African Nations Cup.
For some reason while ESPN (the blight of fucking American sport television by the way, but that's a whole other post) the European Championship this summer, no one not even the Fucking Soccer Channel or Setanta (Say-tant-a) wanted to buy up the rights to the ANC. That's sort of sad because the games I've seen are above the quality of the Copa America from this past summer and maybe even than World Cup '0tt-6.
Anyway fuck, double fuck, and a motherfuck to you on a Monday.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
The Wonderful Oz
Happy Fucking Australia Day!
Which apparently commemorates the establishment of the first European settlement on the continent probably consisting of rapists, murderers, and crazies. Woohoo!
[Insert obligatory Outback, Foster's, Shrimp on the Barbie and/or Cricket reference here]
Friday, January 25, 2008
Come on Fucking Seven
Seriously what if you're on a roll at the craps table or with a homely and unlucky blackjack dealer and they tell you you have to evacuate the hotel because the roof is on fire.
Fuck off and let the motherfucker burn?
As usual the wild and crazy members of the pirahna-like media descended on this story in seconds. Fire! High-rise death! Heroic firefighters! Yeah you know they eat this shit up.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
What Your $600 Government Stimulant Won't Buy You
John Fucking Rambo is Back
First Blood levels of 1980's violence and gore? Could it be?
We can only hope this trailer is indicative of the film as a whole and not just compromised of the best shots. Wade through the first fucking 2 minutes of Stallone yammering, because around 1:15 to go it gets gory and glorious. Plus I can't remember the last time I saw a rated R trailer. Sweetness.
Then again Stallone has had some really shitty movies though. This and this come to mind. But the best part of First Blood (Okay so Colonel Trautman's speech is the best bit of the film) was he didn't have to speak more than a dozen lines.
Killin' is easy as breathin' fucking friday.
We can only hope this trailer is indicative of the film as a whole and not just compromised of the best shots. Wade through the first fucking 2 minutes of Stallone yammering, because around 1:15 to go it gets gory and glorious. Plus I can't remember the last time I saw a rated R trailer. Sweetness.
Then again Stallone has had some really shitty movies though. This and this come to mind. But the best part of First Blood (Okay so Colonel Trautman's speech is the best bit of the film) was he didn't have to speak more than a dozen lines.
Killin' is easy as breathin' fucking friday.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Cole Crushes Everton
Joe Cole is the man.There might be a better way to put this but the guy plays well everytime he gets a start for the Blues. Problem is usually he's behind Kalou, Drogba, and now Anelka too.
Tonight at Goodison Park Cole brought down a long ball from Florent Malouda (back from injury for the first time in nealry two months), touched it once to his right and blasted it on the half-volley past American keeper Tim Howard (probably the most rudimentary example of why the rest of the planet laughs at our football players). Although this fucker didn't help our cause.
It was a beautiful goal and one which gave Chelsea a 3-1 aggregate win over the Toffees. It puts them into the Carling Cup Final for the third time in four years.
Reason #631 that I'm not a PC Anus
It’s time to approach one of those taboo(tm) subjects that makes everyone uncomfortable but at which I fucking excel, mostly because I don’t really give a fuck if it makes you uncomfortable or not. You might call me the suppository in the human pop(poop?) culture of suffering that is the 21st century. But you won’t or I’ll fucking beat you with a pipe wrench until your brains ooze out your ears. Yeah that's right I just went OJ all over your ass motherfucker.
African-American (heretofore referred to as Black) cinema started out innocently enough. Mostly these works of “art” centered in the disgust of the human drama (See Roots, The Color Purple, Glory, Boyz in the Hood, Colors, etc) or the odd-couple style buddy comedy (Lethal Weapon, In the Heat of the Night, White Men Can’t Jump, Metro, etc).
One film however changed Black cinema forever. That movie was Friday.
I must admit at the time, it seemed innovative, amusing, and lots of fun. But no one could have known the horror and garbage that would emerge from writer’s brains after the marginal success of this film and it’s three sequels.
No one watches these modern black-brown piles of excrement do they? Think about it these "films" are some of the worst examples of modern film making in the last decade if not more. Right? These movies are atrocious and yet they just keep coming.
Outside of shit involving fucking Larry the Cable Guy, Pauly Shore or this motherfucker what the fuck is worse than this new fucking brand of human fucking screen waste?
I would rather take a razor blade to my own iris' than even attempt to plow through own of the shitbanks (like a snowbank with shit? get it?) This has to be in the top 5 reasons as to why California should fall off into the ocean and meltdown leaving nothing but a huge cliff and TMZ shouting about the loss of Britney.
African-American (heretofore referred to as Black) cinema started out innocently enough. Mostly these works of “art” centered in the disgust of the human drama (See Roots, The Color Purple, Glory, Boyz in the Hood, Colors, etc) or the odd-couple style buddy comedy (Lethal Weapon, In the Heat of the Night, White Men Can’t Jump, Metro, etc).
One film however changed Black cinema forever. That movie was Friday.
I must admit at the time, it seemed innovative, amusing, and lots of fun. But no one could have known the horror and garbage that would emerge from writer’s brains after the marginal success of this film and it’s three sequels.
No one watches these modern black-brown piles of excrement do they? Think about it these "films" are some of the worst examples of modern film making in the last decade if not more. Right? These movies are atrocious and yet they just keep coming.
Outside of shit involving fucking Larry the Cable Guy, Pauly Shore or this motherfucker what the fuck is worse than this new fucking brand of human fucking screen waste?
I would rather take a razor blade to my own iris' than even attempt to plow through own of the shitbanks (like a snowbank with shit? get it?) This has to be in the top 5 reasons as to why California should fall off into the ocean and meltdown leaving nothing but a huge cliff and TMZ shouting about the loss of Britney.
Fucking Alien Bigfeet
If you're not one of those pathetic blind fucks (learn to fucking see you retards. I'm sick of those annoying pimples covering my ATMs and public telephones) then you've seen the legendary Patterson-Gimlin film at some point in your ridiculously unimportant existence.
Unfortunately Patterson (The usual dumb hillbilly hunter sort. "Well hell Jeb, there's a mythical creature let's fucking shoot it.") is easily the worst fucking cameraman since Abraham Zapruder (so the guy got blasted in the head steady your epileptic fits for two fucking seconds buddy) or those moronic fucks in Cloverfield (Why did the bitch explode exactly and why didn't we get to see it? Oh that's right it was a PG-13 pile of shit). So some smart son of a bitch stabilized the film frame by frame here.
Well our old wallet sucking buddies at NASA now have their own problematic Bigfoot sighting [This is a high-res image on government fuck-the-FOI servers so it will take time to load. The little fella is on the left hand side about a third of the way up coming from behind a rock]. And of course for you impatient fuckrags who don't want to play Where's Waldo? here's a zoom story.
The problem being the motherfucker somehow got to Mars. Yeah you heard me. Bigfoot on fucking Mars. This may well be the best basis for a bad black & white B-movie in over forty years.
Anyway the brother looks good.
Unfortunately Patterson (The usual dumb hillbilly hunter sort. "Well hell Jeb, there's a mythical creature let's fucking shoot it.") is easily the worst fucking cameraman since Abraham Zapruder (so the guy got blasted in the head steady your epileptic fits for two fucking seconds buddy) or those moronic fucks in Cloverfield (Why did the bitch explode exactly and why didn't we get to see it? Oh that's right it was a PG-13 pile of shit). So some smart son of a bitch stabilized the film frame by frame here.
Well our old wallet sucking buddies at NASA now have their own problematic Bigfoot sighting [This is a high-res image on government fuck-the-FOI servers so it will take time to load. The little fella is on the left hand side about a third of the way up coming from behind a rock]. And of course for you impatient fuckrags who don't want to play Where's Waldo? here's a zoom story.
The problem being the motherfucker somehow got to Mars. Yeah you heard me. Bigfoot on fucking Mars. This may well be the best basis for a bad black & white B-movie in over forty years.
Anyway the brother looks good.
Busting My Blog Cherry
The amazing Rando has thus begun an ongoing rant that will reach key players at the highest levels of power and reach down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet. (You have received one sad motherfucker point if you successfully identified either of the above references. Congratulations.)
Or at least it will reach you; you random nosey anonymous internet fucker.
Likely this space will be composed of complete incoherent, random musings and links [Like This] sprinkled throughout.
Face it. If you have enough time to start reading random blogs, composed by unmotivated morons like myself you're headed for a dangerous new low. And not even I will be able to foresee the hell that awaits you.
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